Shinobi
by KanmiSanmi
Summary: What does being a shinobi even mean in this world filled with pain and hatred? (I tried, sorry if it's not good)


_Shinobi. _

That's the word that the people in this world worship and admire yet fear and hate. The word that the four great ninja lands used to define their strongest warriors, the ones who can use chakra to _attack_ and_ hurt_ and _kill kill kill _for the sake of their village. The ones who could murder in a blink of eye, without feeling hesitation nor disgust. That's what they trained for. To be _shinobi_, _ninjas. _

The word _shinobi _means _endure_, and a _shinobi_ is therefore someone who endures. Before the _shinobi_ takes place, there is always an innocent child who knows nothing of the hardships he or she must face. The child must then endure harsh training, must endure battle, losses, pain, exhaustion, blood, sweat and hatred…to be deserving of the title _shinobi. _When one has become a _shinobi_, one has to hold his ground during battle. One has to get over losses. One has to prevent pain and hatred from showing, has to hide the emotions that threaten to burst out like a waterfall. One has to keep fighting despite the sweat that sticks to the skin, the crippling exhaustion felt in the limbs, the blood that trickles down the cuts and gashes…a _shinobi_ must endure anything and learn to beat it and overcome it, all for the sake of the village. _For the village. For its people. For our beloved kage. _That's what they tell themselves. And with those words, _shinobi_ always manage to stand back up and endure again and again, because if they don't, then how can they call themselves _shinobi_?

But sometimes _shinobi_ forget that they are humans too. Humans feel. Humans hurt. Humans make mistakes. Humans _fear. _

_Fear. Kyōfu. _

That's something that _shinobi_ can't quite get rid of, no matter how much they try to deny it when they _fight_ putting their lives on the line, when they _hurt _their victims and _spill_ their _red blood _everywhere, when they _kill _and _murder _and _kill _and _murder _what's left of their sanity in the process.

_(I killed then all! See? I killed them all - and you couldn't stop me! Because you're weak! You're oh so weak, you'll never be like me!)_

_(I'll kill you if I have to – I'm not afraid! Because that is my duty! Because I am a shinobi!)_

Naruto fears failure, fears that he'll let down all those people he swore to protect. He saw the look the villagers wore in their faces when he did nothing _but _fail, over and over again until he was sad and broken on the inside. He saw that people started liking him more when he emerged victorious from his battles and missions, when he proved his worth, when he felt like people looked at him in a new light. So if he failed to keep his promises, if he failed to win, if he failed to protect those he said he would protect, would the villagers hate him then too?

Sasuke fears weakness, from the minute he learnt that he was an Uchiha, and that an Uchiha was always skilled and talented and a _perfect fighting weapon, _while the rest of the clans and civilians were simply inferior. His big brother, a prodigy, killed his whole clan, then told Sasuke to _kill kill kill_ him when he had grown strong from the new hatred he had. But since Sasuke was so _pathetic _and _weak weak weak,_ he had to train hard first and then leave Konoha, because if there was one thing that would hinder him from his goal, it was unnecessary ties to his _stupid stupid stupid _teammates. Because if Sasuke had almost lost to _weak stupid waste of space _Naruto (how could he face Itachi then?), if he had felt unbearable _incurable _pain from the bonds with his family because they were now_ gone gone gone, _then how can he _not _hate weakness, if that was the cause of the pain and hatred he now bore in the first place?

Sakura also fears weakness, but in a different way. She doesn't fear being a _failure _because of weakness, she doesn't fear not being able to _avenge_ something because of weakness, what she fears is being left behind. Back when she was still a genin, still foolishly oblivious, Kakashi told her that even _deadlast _Naruto was stronger than her. Sakura had been the number one student at the academy, but she had never realized until then that _it was different _out there in the real world, where you're supposed to _attack _and _hurt _and _kill kill kill. _So she trained and trained with Tsunade-sama, pushing back tears and blood and sweat because _dammit, they've all suffered much, much worse. _Because if Naruto, Sasuke and Rock Lee could protect her while she ends up doing _nothing, _why is it that when it comes down to it, she can't do the same?

_Why? How? What if?_

Those were questions that _shinobi_ always asked themselves.

_Why am I so weak? How can I be so pathetic? What if I can't protect them? _

To make up for the lack of answer, shinobi must endure. They must kill their emotions until there's nothing left, then kill actual people too. They must push away the hurt, they must push away the grief, they must _crushkillmurderdestroy_ that little voice in their head that tells them _this is wrong, you shouldn't be doing this, you can't kill, what about their loved ones, oh god please stop _over and over again until they don't even know it exists anymore.

A _shinobi _must endure anything and learn to beat it and overcome it, all for the sake of the village. _For the village. For its people. For our beloved kage._ That's what they tell themselves. And with those words, _shinobi_ always manage to stand back up and endure again and again, because if they don't, then how can they call themselves _shinobi_?


End file.
